Finding Grace
Life gets hard and then when you think it can’t it gets harder, but at this point we can find grace in the simple beauty of being alive…and that’s what it’s all about.
Well it has been an interesting month and a half since my last update. First time I’ve gone a month without updating…sorry. I had a couple of setbacks in March, nothing relating to the leukemia but in other aspects of life. I mentioned applying for a position with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society awhile back and during the first part of March it was looking like I was going to get this position, but unfortunately I did not. It was a little dissappointing and a little embarassing because the reason I did not get the job was a flaw in my background check, a little over a year ago I got a DUI, completely understandable why such a thing could prevent someone from getting a job and I certainly regret the decision process that got me the DUI in the first place but it was a little disheartening to be told I wasn’t going to be doing what I thought was part of my calling in life.
After a couple of weeks I’ve had time to think a little more about it and I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and so this too must be for some purpose, there’s something else I should be doing instead. Around the same time that I thought I was going to get the job I had expressed interest to my mom about riding in this 100 mile bike ride for the LLS’s Team In Training, in which I would have to do individual fundraising in order to participate in the ride. I didn’t have a bike though and figured this would prevent me to attempt to train for such a thing until I saved money for one. So here I have been for the past couple weeks sulking about my job situation when a friend of my mom tells us that she has a bike I could use if I was still interested in doing this ride.
Since my diagnosis I have not really given myself the opportunity to begin excercising on a regular basis again as I have been rehabing my ankle and working and volunteering so much that I did not think I would have the extra energy. My doctor and family have been telling me how it would help my energy levels that are slightly depleted as it is from the medecine if I could get back into a regular habit of excercising, and now in the midst of one door closing it seems another is opening. I have always been an athlete, and always been able to work hard and get better so I feel like the next endeavor for me is to begin training for a Team In Training 100 mile ride in Nevada in September and in the process raise as much money as I possibly can to help find a cure for blood cancers.
Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope the doc is going to be okay with me doing a 100 mile ride by September!
Either way I am alive and that in itself is a wonderful thing that I should not take for granted so I plan to continue striving to accomplish something good everyday regardless of everything else the world throws my way!
Test Results
Well I got some good news from my recent lab results. Don’t take my words as 100% accurate because this is just how I understand it from what I’ve been told from doctors and what I’ve read about my treatment and CML.
Basically there is a mutation that occurs within my chromosomes that causes me to develop the leukemia. The 9th and 22nd chromosomes are switched and when it happens it causes the creation of a chromosome they call the Philadelphia Chromosome. There is a molecule they refer to as the BCR-ABL molecule that is a product of this mutation and the molecule is responsible for the mass production of these immature white blood cells (leukemia cells). The drug I am on (Tasigna) targets this BCR-ABL molecule and so that is what I have been tested for recently. The treatment plan calls for a hematalogic response within the first few months which was when my bloodwork normalized, and then there should be a decrease in the amount of BCR-ABL molecules present in my body until at 18 months I should have less than .1%. When I was tested around Thanksgiving I had .38% BCR-ABL levels, and my latest tests showed I have decreased to .13%.
So again I’m not an expert and am probably not explaining this correctly but the one thing I am sure of is that at 7 months into treatment I am very close to reaching the .1% level that I am suppose to be at at 18 months, so my doctor is very happy with my results!! Regardless I am very excited to have positive news and am grateful to have this treatment and my ability to resume a normalish life!
January 31st
Well I certainly haven’t been posting as much as I intend to but life has been very busy of late. I’ve been volunteering with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society 4 or 5 days a week since the beginning of the year and working in the restaurants 6 nights a week. While it has been a little hectic and crazy busy, it has been fun too. I’ve had the opportunity to share a little of my personal battle with leukemia with about 20 different audiences by now, all the way from elementary school kids to adults.
A couple of the schools I have felt like I made a really great connection with some of the kids and I really hope that hearing someone’s experience first-hand will get them excited to help a good cause. It was pretty nerve racking the first few times I talked because I’ve never been much of a fan of public speaking, but I’m starting to get the hang of it a little better by now.
Health-wise I don’t have anything new to tell, I have an appointment on the 6th of February to find out how treatment is progressing. My side effects from the meds haven’t been too bad lately. Every once in awhile I will have a day where my stomach is a mess all day and I don’t want to eat anything, or I will overwork myself and wear my body out to a point that I have to just take a day and rest; but considering the alternative these are things I can definitely deal with. I’m slowly starting to understand my limits and realizing that my body just needs a little bit more rest then it used to.
The position I applied for with the LLS is not going to be filled until the new Executive Director starts at the end of February. So for now I am just continuing to volunteer with the School and Youth program and trying to make myself and my time as useful as I can while I’m there. It’s slightly frustrating because I have ideas constantly of different things I might be able to do in the position I’ve applied for, but I cannot do anything with them.
I must say that I do feel much better about the fact that I am atleast working towards accomplishing something good with my time, however minor that good might be right now, it’s a start.
I’ll post again much sooner hopefully!
–Joshua M. Andrews–
Happy New Year!!
The beauty of a New Year is that it is new. You can reflect on the past year, on each success, each mistake, and come to a resolution for how you want to live the next year. I think it is important to come to a point of self-evaluation on a regular basis and look yourself in the mirror and say “Is this who I want to be?”
My answer “No, but you’re closer than last year.” We all have our resolutions that we make publicly of “I’m going to lose 20 lbs” “I’m going to quit smoking” “I’m going to go to church more” But really what’s important is the promises that we make to ourselves, the aspirations of who we want to be as individuals when we return to look ourselves in the eye at this time a year from now.
When I reflect on this, I can only come to one goal that I think important enough that it may bring complete satisfaction to the man in the mirror on January 1, 2013. I want to make a daily effort in 2012 to put others first, I want to put aside selfish desires of me, me, me and find happiness in the joy of those around me. I want to consider the good of the whole rather than my own well-being when I face difficult decisions. But finally most of all, I want to quit being a victim and start being a survivor; I want to wake each morning grateful for another day in this beautiful world and make the best of that day. I want to be grateful for the blessings I have and not dwell on the challenges life brings my way, and I want to help others who may be struggling to find a new joy in life.
My resolution is that we might all quit searching for that something more, envying what we don’t have; and start enjoying the beautiful life that we do have. Every day is something wonderful and we waste any day that we take that for granted.
Happy New Year!
–Joshua M. Andrews—
Defining Life
Someone said to me recently that they were proud of me for defining cancer rather than letting the cancer define me. The truth is that as of yet I have not done this. When I found out about my cancer I responded in as positive of a way as I could, because I believe that we need only in life to focus on the things we can change and not dwell on the things we cannot. However all I have done as of yet is talk about how I want to make efforts to accomplish good every day. Instead of actually doing this, lately I have been spending my time enjoying the fact that my health has improved and I have returned to the comfort of my old ways. I have not been defining the cancer because I have not had symptoms of the cancer, rather I have been letting life define me as I have gone back to my customs and habits as soon as I felt better.
I even have spent time dwelling on things like how my life won’t fully be able to return to normal because I have to take a pill twice a day that gives me indigestion occassionally and prohibits me from eating for 6 of the 24 hours of the day. I am one of a group of random people who develops cancer in their lifetime and I find time to feel sorry about the lifestyle changes I have to make while there are other members of this very same group who don’t know if they will be around long enough to worry about a lifestyle at all.
It’s time I stop talking and start doing. It’s time I stop letting life define me and start defining life. On monday I finally get an opportunity to do this as I begin my second volunteering opportunity with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS) to aid them in their mission to fight blood cancers.
It sounds like a lot of what I will be doing is traveling to different schools across the state to participate in LLS activities during student assemblies with the goal of inspiring children of all ages to raise money for the causes of the LLS.
Please let me know if you have any interest in being a part of helping, updates on my activities with the LLS to come soon!!!
Thanks for reading,
Light the Night Pic
As promised, the picture of the whole family from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Light The Night Walk!
Light The Night
I had the opportunity to volunteer at the Light the Night Walk tonight put on by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It was one of the most incredible experiences I have been a part of. I worked the tent in which walkers had an opportunity to sign their names and leave messages on banners to show their support for family and friends currently fighting leukemia and/or lymphoma, or to remember those who have passed. I also passed out shirts to Survivors. I enjoyed this part the most because I got an opportunity to talk to each individual about their personal battle with Leukemia or Lymphoma. I met families who had brought up to 20 people to support their son or daughter by walking, they made t-shirts specialized for their support teams. Of course my brother and sisters had to take it to the next level so they all had capes and bright colored clothes with glow in the dark paint on them as they were there to support me. (pictures to come soon) Finally when the walk began was one of the coolest things I’ve seen as the hundreds of people began to walk in the dimming light and you could see hundreds of red, gold, and white balloons lighting up the sky. The walkers take balloons for their different causes: white for survivors, red for supporters of people currently fighting, and gold in rememberance of those who have passed.
I’m very glad that I got the opportunity to be a part of this great event, it has inspired me and I hope that by next year I can help make it an even bigger success!
Thanks for reading and remember: This Day is a New Beginning…Use it For Good!
–Josh Andrews
September 30,2011
I’m sorry it has been so long since I have posted, I have had a hard time finding motivation of late. I’m not sure why this is, I guess that I have been hoping to regain some type of normal in my life and it just isn’t working like I hoped. It’s been almost 4 months since I broke my ankle and because of the low blood counts that were attributed to my leukemia treatment I spent the first 3 of those 4 waiting to have surgery, to return my ankle to normal, or as close to that as possible. Today I went to my orthopedic to have my cast taken off; it was supposed to be the day that I would be done with casts for good. But the X-ray showed that the screw in my ankle had backed out. So now I will be having surgery again on Wednesday.
It’s so frustrating because I feel like I take a step forward and then two back. I feel like I have stayed very positive through my whole battle with leukemia as of yet, but the last couple days have been hard. It’s hard to put a smile on my face and go about my day when I feel like I just can’t catch a break. I just want to be able to put on a regular pair of pants without wondering if I’m going to be able to fit the pant leg over my cast or boot.
My goal since my diagnosis has been to use my situation to accomplish good rather than dwell on my dilemma and become a victim. Days like these make that hard to do though. I still believe everything happens for a reason, I’ve felt that my leukemia must serve the purpose of some good that I can accomplish. Perhaps my lack of inspiration of late is due to the fact that as of yet I have only thought and talked about doing good, rather than actually doing it.
So I guess the goal for this next month will be to update you weekly on the good that I am actually accomplishing, we’ll see how this goes.
Thanks for reading….and remember This Day is New…Use it For Good.
-Josh-
August 22, 2011
August 22, 2011
On Saturday morning the Edmond/OKC area showed up big time for me, when I was at my biggest time of need. I would not be able to sleep at night if I did not try to return the love that has been shown to me. For a long time I have been rather selfish with my wants in life and yet at a point in time when I needed those around me, they responded selflessly and without even a second thought. This is love. This is the kind of love I hope to show others.
You are the inspiration that keeps my soul new, my very core yearns to spread such love to others. For many years I have felt the calling to accomplish something great and often mistook it as a calling to be great. When I take the time to consider what I might leave behind when I’m gone, I realize that the best I can do is make an effort to show love and respect to all people and take the time to understand the circumstances of others before I act.
Another thing I have noticed about myself in recent days is that I not only fear what people will think if I fail to become the man I should be, but also that I fear what people will think if I indeed do become that man. I came across a quote last night that led me to this realization.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”
-Nelson Mandela
This quote embodies the inspiration we are capable of creating within others. By focusing our lives on accomplishing good and by striving to be great as individuals we can truly create greatness in the community around us. By holding ourselves accountable to the well-being of our community we ensure that others will do the same.
Hopefully I can keep this quote at the top of my mind and not submit to my fears.
Thanks for reading and remember:
This Day is New…Use it For Good!
-Josh-